Friday, August 27, 2010

A Day In The Life

Shredded

When I first started out in my job, I purchased plenty of uniforms. However, at the time they were in the process of changing uniform types. Some of the uniforms I bought ended up falling apart pretty quickly. I have very little of the original ones left.

A few weeks ago, I found a pair of these old pants in the closet. I checked for holes and wear and tear and they looked pretty good. So I threw them on and went to work.

When I got there, it was count time. Another officer and I did the count. After that I sat and checked my email. Then it was just about dinner time. I was on my way out of the office to head out toward the dining hall to get the dinner started. I realized on my way out that I forgot to put my own food away when I came in.

I grabbed my lunch box and went over to the fridge. I put my little frozen French bread pizza in the freezer. Then I kneeled down to put my can of ginger ale in the fridge. That is when it happened. I heard the rip. I look down and there is a huge hole all between my legs and down my thighs. I started laughing. What was I going to do?

First of all, I was at the camp… minimum security and women inmates. So I was lucky there. I was so glad it didn’t happen inside a secure male facility. I called David and asked him to bring me pants. He laughed. But he was on the way. Then I held it together enough to go get the dining hall open and let the inmates out to eat. The food service lady laughed and so did all the inmates who saw me.

Then I sat in my office and refused to come out. An inmate came in to get some keys and asked me what was wrong. When she found out she laughed and laughed. That is when David came and gave me pants. That just made it funnier.

Basically, that had to be the funniest thing that ever happened to an officer at the camp. I am sure I will be hearing about that for a long time to come.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Thursday Thirteen



Thirteen Things I Would Do On Vacation If I Ever Get One

1. Clean this house.
2. Sleep in until noon.
3. Eat junk food and gain 10 lbs.
4. See one of Catherine’s soccer games.
5. Go to Carolynn’s swim stuff.
6. Go to the Laundromat and wash my bed spread
7. Play Wii games.
8. Shop
9. Visit Trish
10. Go to the beach.
11. Clean out the garage and take a huge donation to the Salvation Army.
12. Actually iron my uniforms.
13. Get away from inmates for a week.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wordless Wednesday












Catherine's First Soccer Game Of The Season
Go Scorpions!
August 21, 2010
Apple Valley, California

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A Change Of Plans

So David’s mom came today. We weren’t expecting her until the weekend. We thought she was going to stay with David’s sister Gena and Robbie but there has been a change of plans. David and I picked her up at the airport this afternoon. This is my first time meeting David’s mom. She certainly is colorful. She is interesting too. The ride home from the airport was pretty fun. David sure is glad to see his mom.

She made the girls blankets with their name on them. Catherine’s is orange and Carolynn’s is green. They are really cute. Carolynn did some house cleaning while we were gone. As soon as Catherine got home from school, we all went to dinner at Red Robin. I had a Pub Burger and it was so awesome.

The girls had practices this evening. We went to the Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. I don’t know what we are going to do tomorrow. Maybe we will do some shopping.

Also, Catherine rode her bike to school today for the first time. She made it. I was not even worried.

Really.

You don’t believe me do you?

I wasn’t worried.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Despite My Death

David’s sister Gena and David’s friend Robbie came to spend the weekend. They came on Saturday (while I was on drugs) and they left on Sunday. Saturday night we had some spaghetti and played some games. We got a new game called Creationary. It’s like a Pictionary game but instead of drawing it out, you build it with Legos. It was pretty fun. We also played Apples To Apples. That game is always fun to play. Then I passed out. Despite the fact that I was drugged up, we had a good time.









After I went to bed, they all stayed up watching movies. On Sunday when I was at work they went out and saw a movie. I don’t know what movie.

Anyway, it is good that David’s sister and pal come to see him. Next weekend, his mom is coming to visit. I have a lot of cleaning to do on my days off to prepare.

On another note,today was Catherine's first day of the sixth grade. She had a good day, made some new friends and saw some old friends. Tomorrow if her first day riding her bike to school. Today we drove her because all of her supplies were so heavy.







And now I am off to work.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Like Death



Yesterday I was so sick. My head was pounding. I was hot. I was cold. My head was stuffed. I was tired. I was nauseous. It was awful. And I was at work. It was the worst day. I ended up coming home early and using an hour of my sick leave. I got some Theraflu. (It tasted so awful.) I got some Niquil. I got some tissues and I got some cough drops. I was drugged up good. Today I feel a lot better. I just have to make it through 1 more day of work and it’s two days off for me. Then I have to get some cleaning done before David’s mom comes next weekend.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Girly

You may have noticed that we had a couple of extra girls around here. On Tuesday the girls and I drove down to San Diego to pick up my friend Trisha’s children for a visit. It was a long drive, but we made it.

It was interesting to watch these girls interact. They really haven’t spent much time together since autumn of 2001. Trisha’s girls fight like mine do. Her girls are the same ages as mine. Catherine was excited to have a friend over to hang with. The two of them played video games, played with dolls, watched Disney and Nick shows, and stayed up late. Catherine showed a lot of patience and it helped her realize that not everyone is the same. Trisha’s youngest didn’t know how to play a lot of games Catherine did. But Catherine was patient and they had a good time.

Carolynn was also glad to have someone her own age to hang with. I am not so sure Trisha’s oldest felt the same. Carolynn kept trying to get her to hang out, but she spent most of her time sitting in the living room. It was like she was afraid she was going to miss something important. She also spent a lot of time trying to boss her sister who did not want to be bossed. I spent a lot of time saying, “Don’t worry, we won’t let your sister die or anything, you can go do whatever. You don’t have to watch your sister every second.”

On Wednesday we took all the girls to John’s Incredible Pizza. For those of you who have not been there, it’s an all you can eat pizza place that is like a Chuck E. Cheese for bigger kids. Trisha’s oldest finally loosened up a bit and her youngest is already making plans to go there again, despite the fact all she ate was salad and ice cream. They played games, drove bumper cars, and got lots of prizes.









Trisha came to pick them up on Friday. We liked having them over. Maybe they will come back again soon.

Friday, August 20, 2010

A Day In The Life

They Simply Fell Off

I was in my office at the woman’s camp one afternoon. I was waiting with a woman who had surrendered there for the processing officer. The new inmate is quite upset. She is worried that it will be like that show “Lock Up”. I am trying to keep her calm and assuring her it isn’t like that. We don’t have fights and stuff often at all.

As I am saying this, another inmate comes into my office. Her face is red and she seems upset. She tells me there is a problem with another inmate. That inmate comes in right behind her and is looking mad.

I ask for each inmate’s story and I do not allow the other to interrupt. It’s like children. The first girl, called Inmate A tells me her story...

Inmate A went into one of the rooms containing bunks. She does not live in that room, but she does live on that side. Anyway, she had asked another inmate if she could borrow some magazines. The other inmate said she could and so this lady went into the room to retrieve them.

She said that when she went into this room, the other inmate, the one who is there now, called Inmate B, was giving her dirty looks. So she asked Inmate B what her problem was. According to Inmate A, Inmate B began yelling at her. She says Inmate B called her names, called her a thief and told her that she was in the Mafia and suggested that Inmate A watch her back. Inmate A then took the magazines and left. On her way out, she was forced to squeeze between Inmate B and a table. On her way, she may have accidentally knocked a bag of chips off the table.

Next we hear Inmate B’s story...

Inmate B was sitting at a table eating a bag of chips and a bowl of ramen when Inmate A entered the room. According to Inmate B, there has been a rash of theft in that room and the occupants of that room had a meeting and agreed to look out for one another. Inmate B is an occupant of this room, so when Inmate A, who is not, entered she was eyeballing her suspiciously. According to Inmate B, that is when Inmate A began yelling at her, telling her to shut her mouth, making fun of her accent (Inmate B is Middle Eastern) and then threw the chips at her before stomping out and to my office.

The new inmate looked petrified. I told them both to shut up. I demanded to see the “crime scene”. I locked the new inmate in the visiting room and went out to the scene of the crime.

I located the inmate whose magazines were the object of question and she confirmed she allowed Inmate A to borrow them. I located the table and the bag of chips. Chips were all over the place and the bag was a good 12 feet from the table. So they just fell off?

I figure the true story lies somewhere in the middle. I yell at them both to grow up and act like adults. I suggest they both clean up the chip mess. A crowd of inmates has gathered around to find out what the commotion was all about. The unit manager comes out of his office and yells at them they better do what I say or he will be happy to have them removed.

I return to the new inmate waiting in the visiting room.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Thursday Thirteen



13 Movies I Can't Believe They Made... But Are Available On Netflix

1. Santa's Slay "He's making a list, hope you're not on it."

2. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Yeah, this is awesome. Check out this trailer.



3. Killer Klowns From Outer Space Because you know that is where Killer Klown's are from.

4. Ghost In A Teeny Bikini Which is exactly what I would wear if I were a ghost.

5. Funky Monkey Sadly... They made a sequel.

6. A Boy and His Dog "A rather kinky tale of survival."

7. Princess Of Mars Clearly, that is a princess on the cover.



8. Eye See You You can't go wrong if it's got Stallone.

9. Muppets From Space There are just some places Muppets should not go.

10. So I Married An Axe Murderer And I really wish she had axed this movie.

11. Black Dynamite David actually watched this one. I don't know why.

12. Shark Attack In The Mediterranean Austrians make some killer movies.

13. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog Oh NPH.... WHY?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Out Numbered

Today I was going to do some major cleaning, but instead the girls and I took a trip down to San Diego. It was a short trip and then we returned with two extra girls. Oh yes, there are now 5 girls in this house. I think David may be considering moving.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Keep On Truckin’


David’s truck was broken again. AGAIN!

His truck is so funny. When it breaks, it is usually some strange thing. One time the fan just fell off. Last fall, when David’s dad was here, they put in a new radiator. This time we thought it was the power steering pump. David checked the hoses and they seemed fine, but when you put power steering fluid in, it just fell out in a huge mess on the driveway. So we took it to Javier, our mechanic.

Yes, the power steering pump needed replaced, but the reason why was just crazy. It seems that the housing to it, the big metal bracket that held it in place, was broken. Yep. So we started searching for a new one. Well, David’s truck is a 1986 and parts aren’t exactly flowing around. Javier went to every salvage yard in the high desert (and we have several) looking for it. No luck. He called at some places around the surrounding areas. No luck. David and I looked. Still nothing. One of the guys in Javier’s shop thought he might be able to find a place to have it welded. He did. So this morning we picked up the truck with its booboo’s fixed. In the end it got a new power steering pump, a power steering belt, an alternator belt, two power steering hoses, plus the welding of the bracket and more power steering fluid. All that, plus labor…

David’s truck repairs are not usually too expensive.

But the funny part…

We picked up the truck and we pulled out of the mechanics shop. David was in the truck right behind me. Then he was gone. I didn’t see where he went. Then he called and said his car was driving like he had a flat tire. Yep. He totally blew a tire. So he went to the tire shop near the mechanic shop and, since you should never buy just one tire, he got two new tires. So his truck, in the end today ended up costing a lot more than expected. Oh well. Truck Happens.



********************


Safety....



For David's Dad

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Teaching The Impossible


When Carolynn was in the 6th grade, she rode her bike to school everyday. It was about 2 miles there. Now that Catherine is entering the sixth grade, she has decided she wants to ride her bike to school. This sounds reasonable. Catherine's school is 1.4 miles from our house. Very little of the ride is on major roads.

The problem lies with Catherine. She never rode a bike before. By the time Carolynn was 6 she was a bike rider. By the time she was going to the 6th grade, she was an expert. Also, Carolynn was riding on sidewalks. Catherine has to ride on dirt or desert roads.

David tried to teach Catherine to ride a bunch of times. But she gives up so easily. Now she wants to learn. So tonight, we fixed up Carolynn's old bike, got a helmet and started the process.

Now she said she has been learning to ride at her friend Cady's house, so it turned out to be easier than we thought. The bike is a bit larger than whatever bike she has been riding at her friends house. But she was getting the hang of it.

There is still a week before school starts. She still has to master the bike ride, the way to school and do it all with a backpack. Good thing she can always take the bus.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

A Battle For Bedroom Supremacy

In the bedroom, the battle begins. Two combatants enter the arena prepared for a battle. Our champion enters the arena first.

.

Next enters the challenger, the Pink Lightning Bolt.



Our champion takes an early lead.



But lightning strikes back with a sword that appeared from nowhere.



Our champion blocks the first blow, but is unsuccessful in deflecting the second.



And now our champion is defeated by a tiny bolt of pink lightning. Only his faithful dog mourns his loss. And even the dog doesn't look that sad.



And so the battle for bedroom totality is finished.

But in the end... I still reign queen of the whole kingdom.

Friday, August 13, 2010

A Day In The Life

I Could Have Been Stabbed

As I have stated before, inmates are counted regularly throughout the day and are required to stand for some of these counts. It is pretty routine, but some inmates like to make things as difficult as possible.

One afternoon another officer and I are conducting one of these counts. The inmates are locked in and we announce the count. We begin counting. The inmates are not cooperating. They have their lights off, their windows covered, and they are in bed. It is the middle of the day. I start pounding on the doors. I yell at them to get up, uncover the windows, and turn on the lights. They are now grumbling, but they are reluctantly getting up and turning on the lights.

But one guy, he apparently did not understand this ritual. He yelled at me, “Bitch, you’re gonna get stabbed for this shit.”

Okay, so he is behind a locked cell door. What are the chances that he will be allowed out after he just threatened me?

The other officer and I finish counting. I call the lieutenant and inform him of the situation. The other officer and I continue to count in her unit.

After the count, other officers arrive to take the inmate who threatened me away. The inmate was already dressed and ready to go.

Well, duh.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Season Two



Catherine started her second season of soccer last week. Last season, if you will recall, she her team was the Black Flames. In the spring they practiced once a week and a game on Saturday. This season is more of a full season. They practice twice a week and have more games. Her team is yellow and they are called the Scorpions.

She is very excited about her team this season. The girls are good players. They play a lot harder. Catherine said it is a lot harder this season. But she still likes it. A girl from her class is on the team. The girl’s dad is the coach. Also on the team is Bree, the sister of Catherine’s friend Katelyn. Catherine and Katelyn were on the same softball teams when Catherine played softball. They were Dodger’s together and then Red Sox together. So she is excited. David and I were happy because Bree and Katelyn’s parents are great people and it is nice to see them.

The coach doesn’t have an assistant coach so he is asking parents to volunteer. David is happy to oblige. Parents field balls, play goalie, and help set up or take down. So David is happy about that.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Lost

A couple of weeks ago there was a near tragedy in our house. We were leaving the house and we put the dogs outside. Gibby usually stays inside when we are not home, but that day he went outside. It happens pretty regularly. No big deal. We got in the car and left. We dropped Carolynn at swim practice, we went to the Best Buy, we bought some groceries, we picked up Carolynn and we came home.

Usually, when we come home from somewhere Gibby gets overly excited. He jumps and yelps and runs around. But there was no Gibby. I looked in the back yard everywhere. Only Elvis and Drizella were there. I went out front and looked all around. Still no Gibby in sight. The kids went to ask the neighbors. Nope, they had not seen Gibby.

The girls put away the groceries and I started searching the neighborhood behind our house. Neighbors began telling me horror stories of coyotes and giant owls that would eat small dogs. I was frantic. I called and called. He didn’t come. No one had seen him. I started home hoping David and the girls had found him. They had not.

David had driven all around north of our house. He went all the way down to the park to see if he was there. Still no Gibby. Catherine was in the house crying. It was getting dark. I knew if someone had found him they would have called. He is licensed and wears a name tag with our phone number. He is also microchipped. We had gotten no calls.

It had been four hours since we had seen him. It had been over an hour since we got home and we still could not find our Gibby. I was crying and crying. David went out into the big field across the street to look. But it was just about dark by then.

Carolynn got a flashlight and we hopped in the car and began looking in neighborhoods south of our house. We asked everyone we saw. No one had seen him. We finally decided to go home.

We pulled into the driveway and all of the sudden, out from under a bush in the yard, comes Gibby. I had no idea where he went, but he was back. David fixed the gate where he got out and we don’t leave him outside when we go out anymore.

I nearly had a heart attack.

Stupid dog.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Apology

Dear David’s Dad and All My Other Readers,

I would like to apologize for my serious lack of updates lately. I hope the last few days have been entertaining for you all. We have been so busy around here and I work so much that sometimes I just don’t have time to write a dang thing. I need to stop and remember to breathe once in awhile.

Work has been going pretty well. I really do enjoy my job. In June, when the quarter changed, I went from working at the penitentiary to working at the women’s camp. There is virtually no violence there and it is much nicer. Too bad there is a ton of bickering. It drives me insane.

The girls are doing well. They are still on summer vacation. Catherine goes back to school on August 23. She will be starting the 6th grade and her final year of elementary school. She is very excited. She also just started her second season of soccer. Carolynn will be going back to school on September 7. She will be going into the 9th grade (by some miracle) and her first year of high school. How scary is that??? She is also still swimming on the Apple Valley Wave swim team. She is getting really good.

David is good too. He starts school mid August. He is also helping out with Catherine’s soccer team. His sister Gena moved to San Diego. (She is in the Navy now.) So we have seen her a few times. David’s friend Robbie also comes to visit occasionally. He came for his birthday last week and I cooked steak and we had an ice cream cake. David’s mom is coming to visit later this month unexpectedly. She will be here August 24 and will be in the area until September 8. She will be going down to San Diego to see Gena too. I understand David’s dad is also trying to plan a visit out. (Gena needs to be more cooperative with her schedule.)

Things are looking pretty good for a nice autumn. I am looking forward to cooler weather, my favorite holidays and maybe a vacation.

That is all for now. I promise to try and keep updating if you promise to try and keep reading them.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

An Adventure Of Epic Proportions

On Tuesday, we decided to go on an adventure. We rarely leave our little desert mountain home so we decided to venture out into the big city. I was figuring it being a Tuesday there would be less crowding wherever we went.

We were on our way to Hollywood. David had never been to Los Angeles, (with the exception of the airport) so he was excited to see the sights. The traffic was horrid. What is usually a 90 minute drive took well over two hours. We finally get to Hollywood and they have Hollywood Blvd. blocked from the wax museum to passed the Chinese theater. We parked and walked around the shopping center next to the Kodak Theater. But we couldn’t move any farther. The sidewalks were crowded and blocked. They were getting ready for a movie premier occurring that night for a movie called The Expendables. We did get to see the Hollywood sign.



We decided to leave Hollywood and head to the beach at Santa Monica. Again the traffic was awful. It took us almost 90 minutes to get from Hollywood to Santa Monica. It was cloudy at the beach so it wasn’t as crowded. The girls played a little and got their feet wet. David and I watched. That water was cold.









But because of all the traffic we couldn’t stay long. So we had no time to go down to the pier. Both girls had practice that evening.



On the way home we stopped for a burger. Then it was off to practices.

It was a fun day in the end. Despite the traffic, crowds, and clouds.