Sunday, January 30, 2011

Should Have Been Called “Travel and Kill”



Judge and Jury
By James Patterson

I finished this book last week. I love James Patterson books. Usually. This one was okay. Not one of my favorites. (My all time favorite one is called The Jester.) Anyway, this one started out with a trial. But really, the trial part was over quickly. The majority of the book involved tracking people down and killing them. There was a lot of action in this one. It was an easy read. As always, James Patterson's books have lots of short chapters.

Next on my reading list, The Memory Keeper's Daughter. I'll keep you posted.

Friday, January 28, 2011

A Day In The Life

Not My Keys

I am passing out food trays on morning. An inmate with some mental issues tells me he needs to speak with another officer. He says he is going to “hold his trap” until he speaks to them. Basically he is going to stick his arm out and not allow me to close his food slot. Usually inmates just do it. They don't ask first. Anyway, I tell him I am going close the trap and I will let the other officer know. Which I do.

The other officer goes down to talk to him. He wants to move. He says he disrespected his cellmate and there will be problems if he doesn't move. He is assured he will be moved. Now begins the task of finding a place for him.

With the inmate having some special mental needs, it is difficult to place him. We are asking everyone we can think of. No one wants him. He is getting desperate. Every time I walk by his cell, he calls out to me asking when he will be moved.

Finally, we take him out of that cell. We still have no where else to put him. So we put him in the holding area. It looks like an old fashioned cell, with bars. I walked by him in that cell. But I didn't see him as I was walking away. But something sure smelled bad. So I moved quickly knowing that inmates throw feces. I didn't get hit with any.

A moment later I heard officers yell. I went back. The inmate in the holding cell had smeared feces all over the wall. He had also reached out of the bars and pushed feces into the lock.

It smelled so horrendous. I was gagging. The inmate was yelling for me and another officer to come talk to him. We declined the offer and attempted not to throw up.

I was not putting my key in that lock.

Officers removed him from the holding area and forced him to clean up his own mess. But he couldn't clean out the lock very well. I think it may still be a risk to put your key in that lock.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

World Famous

I make Oatmeal Butterscotch Cookies every year around Christmas. Everyone loves them. They are easy to make. So why should we only have them at Christmas? Oatmeal is good for you right? A lot of people have asked my how I make them. It's basically an altered oatmeal raisin recipe. It's very easy. Just make sure you use butter, not margarine don't over bake.

Jennifer's Amazing Oatmeal Butterscotch Cookies

1-1/4 cups (2-1/2 sticks) butter, softened (not margarine)
3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 cups oatmeal (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)
1 Bag of butterscotch chips (2 Cups)

Heat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, beat margarine and sugars until creamy. Add egg and vanilla; beat well. Add combined flour, baking soda, and salt; mix well. Add oats; mix well. Add butterscotch chips; mix well.

Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets. I really like my stoneware cookie sheet.

Bake 8 to 9 minutes. Remove to wire rack. Cool completely. Store tightly covered.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Get In The Kitchen



Revolutionary Road
By Richard Yates

I finished this book sometime last month. I didn't like it. Frankly, I didn't care about the characters. The wife should have been less of a thinker and got herself in the kitchen and bake a pie. Seriously, when I read a story, I have certain expectations. This story is set in the 50's and is about a young married couple. In that time frame, woman were supposed to be wives and shut up. No, I don't think that it was right. No, I don't think that was fair. But that is how it was and that was my expectations. And the husband was a jerk and a giant cheater.

Then it just kind of ended. That was it. Just done and stupid. I didn't like that. Not at all. Nothing was resolved. No one lived happily ever after.

Then I watched the movie. It has Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. I thought it might be better. It got great reviews. And you know what? It sank like the Titanic. I didn't like it anymore on the screen than I did in the book. I didn't even finish the movie because I just didn't care and I was bored.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

A Toothy Tale

I have had pain in my teeth for so long, I can't remember them not in pain and full of holes. I haven't have proper dental insurance since we lived in Wisconsin. When we came back to California, the dentist we had was awful. No one spoke English in the whole office. The office smelled of mildew. And it was dirty.

Anyway, the insurance ran out soon after we got here anyway. My previous employer didn't offer dental insurance. So it was a few years before I started my current job, which offers insurance. Then due to a minor paperwork snafu, my dental insurance didn't actually start until I had been there a year. (I had medical and vision insurance the whole time.)

So last year, as soon as my dental insurance kicked in, I went to the dentist. I got the list from the insurance and picked one close to the house. I made the appointment. I went there. I had an exam and some x-rays done. It cost me $80. The next day, I had a cleaning and one filling. I paid $179. They told me I needed a lot more work. I needed two root canals and crowns. That would be $1079 each. I needed my wisdom teeth out as well. That would be another $300. And this was all after the insurance paid their part. Wow.

I was shocked at how little my insurance covered. I had already paid $260 for so little. But my teeth hurt so much. The dentist didn't take payments so I tried to save up. But, as some of you may know, last year was a bad year for the PT Loser Cruiser. First, I had to replace the wheel bearings, the wheel hubs, and the brakes. Then I blew a head gasket. That had to be fixed. The whole cooling system had to be replaced and the turbo had to be repaired. The there were the tires. Then there were the various little parts for the truck. I never could scrape together enough money to fix my teeth.

Then at the end of last year, I received a bill from the dentist. I had not been back since the cleaning. But there was a new bill for another $180. What?

I talked to the dentist's office. They said it was because the insurance didn't cover some stuff. I was livid. I got online to check into this through the dental insurance website. According to the website, all of that should be covered. As a matter of fact, the exam, x-rays, and cleaning were all fully covered. I then called the insurance company to confirm. Yep, all of that was covered and paid by the insurance. I shouldn't have had to pay much at all.

Well, I certainly wasn't going back to that dentist. But my teeth hurt so much. So I started looking into new dentists. I needed one that took my insurance, for real this time. I also wanted one that perhaps took payments. I know I needed extended work and I couldn't afford it right away.

I decided to try Western Dental. I wasn't sure if I was going to like them. It is a chain of dental offices. I was worried that would mean high prices and low quality. But I was desperate. I wanted to eat again.

So I went for my appointment on Thursday for x-rays and the exam. I double checked with the receptionist about 12 times to make sure my insurance covered it. It did.

Now, I don't do x-rays very well. They gag me. But the girl who did mine was so nice about it and so patient. I was already impressed. Next the dentist came to examine me. He said I needed the same things the other dentist had said last year, plus some more fillings. And a cleaning. It sounded expensive. He told me he would have the girl check the insurance for what they would cover and work out payments for the rest if we could work it into my budget.

Well, she comes back and tells me the total I will owe for everything is about $1000. And that I can make payments of about $100 a month, no money down, and first payment due in February. If I agree, they can start right that minute on my treatments.

Really?

Yes really.

So they did. Without expecting it, on Thursday, I had two root canals and a filling done. My teeth were finally getting fixed. They put a temporary crown on. But later that night, it came off. So Friday, I went back and told them. They got me back right away to fix it. And since I was already there, they figured they would finish my fillings. So Friday, without even an appointment, I got 3 more fillings and my temporary crown fixed. On Monday, I am having the crown done on the other side. (It was pretty bad and required a specialist.) Also, I am having a cleaning. I already have an appointment to have the permanent crown put on when it arrives. The dentists, the dental assistants, the office personnel were all so friendly and helpful. It was amazing.

I made appointments for the girls to go for check ups and cleanings on Monday.

Finally, a dentist I trust. And best of all, my teeth feel so much better.

Friday, January 21, 2011

A Day In The Life

Hide And Seek

It is count time. Easy enough. Inmates are locked into their cells, they stand, and another officer and I count. Seems like an easy task really.

So another officer and I count. We announce the count and instruct the inmates to turn the lights on and stand up. We go down one row and compare counts. We are good. We go down the next row. We are good. We go down the final row. I count 47. She counts 48. Damn.

We recount. We go down row one and we are good. Row two is good too. Row three and we both have 47. She figures she must have miscounted the first time. It happens. We count upstairs. We are good. We add up our totals. We are awesome. We call in our count. We are wrong. Damn.

We recount. The same thing happens downstairs. We are the same on the first two rows, but the third row, we are off. Again we count the downstairs, and again we agree on the number. Again we count upstairs. Again, we agree. We add them up and call it in. Again it is wrong. Really.

Now I am mad. If the inmates had been standing for count, we could easily have counted them and been correct and moved on. But they were not and I had been keeping a list. Now that we have miscounted twice, the lieutenants and everyone have to come over and see what we are doing in there. We are going cell by cell identifying each individual inmate. Amazingly enough they are all now accounted for.

What do you suppose had happened? The inmates were messing with us. When we came to count, they would crouch up against the door so when I looked in I couldn't see them, but when the other officer came by they'd be there. Hilarious.

You know what else was hilarious? By the time we finished counting and I finished writing the incident reports for those inmates who did not stand, count time was over and it was time for a recreation move. Of course, I had been so busy with that, I had not unlocked the cells yet and by the time I finished unlocking the cell doors, the move was over.

Hilarious.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Video Games Us Girls Want

1. Epic Mickey
2. Raving Rabids: Travel In Time
3. Kingdom Hearts: Recoded
4. Disney's Guilty Party
5. Super Mario Galaxy 2
6. EA Sports Active 2
7. Wii U Draw Studio
8. Wii Pictionary
9. Dance Central
10. Just Dance
11. Toy Story 3
12. Lego Rock Band
13. Pokemon Heart Of Gold

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Breakfast Of Champions

Several years ago, we were preparing to move from Kenosha, Wisconsin to San Diego, California. We were so happy and so excited. Carolynn couldn't wait to go to the beach, to SeaWorld, and to the zoo. I was excited to be going home and away from the snow and cold.

Catherine was not excited. She was only five and had lived over half her life in that little house in Kenosha, despite the fact that she was born in San Diego. We tried everything. We promised new toys, a new room at our new house, trips to the zoo, trips to Seaworld... nothing would sway her.

Finally I sat her down and asked her why wouldn't she like San Diego.

Catherine- “Because it's too gross.”

Mom- “What is gross about it?”

Catherine- “I don't want to live anyplace they make you eat dirty waffles.”

Mom- “Why would anyone make you eat dirty waffles? That would be gross. Who told you that you'd have to eat dirty waffles?”

Catherine- “You did.”

Mom- “I never said that.”

Catherine “Yes huh. You said we were going to move to San Diego.”

Mom- “I did.”

Catherine- “See. I don't like sandy Eggos. That is gross. I like syrup.”

Monday, January 17, 2011

A Lesson Learned

A week or so ago, David and I went to have dinner at some friends house. David is the pickiest eater in the universe so I was unsure how that would go. But we went.

Our friends have a fabulous house. They have the cutest dogs. We had a great time. They made chicken quesadillas for dinner. They were so good. David ate his right up.

Now you would think that even David couldn't be so picky as to not eat something as plain and regular and chicken and cheese. But these were not just plain old quesadillas. They had onions, and peppers and mushrooms. Three of David's most hated of foods. I said nothing.

We had a wonderful visit. We were out late. We so rarely get out and have so few real good friends. Besides, I work way too much.

After we left, I tell David how shocked I was that he ate that quesadilla. He said it was delicious. That is when I told him what was in it. He was shocked.

Perhaps he should be slightly less of a picky eater.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I Can See Dead People



Odd Thomas
By Dean Koontz

I finished this book several weeks ago. I got off to kind of a slow start with it. The writer is very descriptive, and while it helps to visualize, sometimes I just want to get right down to the story. The story was really good. It is about a guy named Odd with a sort of psychic ability. He can see dead people, but he can not talk to them. He just kind of senses what they want to tell them. He also has an unreal ability to track people. He regularly helps the police in tracking down criminals. Anyways, the story line was But the ending... Well I don't want to spoil it for you, but I was shocked.

I believe there are more books about Odd and I am certainly interested in reading those soon.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Debate

One night I made ribs for dinner. Carolynn loves ribs. It's one of her favorite dinners. Whenever I find them on sale, I buy them up for her. I cook them slow in the over until they are just moments from falling apart.

When you put a plate of ribs in front of Carolynn, she goes to town. She eats them with her hands, no holds barred, animal style.



David likes ribs too. But he is the only person I have ever met that eats his ribs with a knife and fork.



How about you? Are you the messy rib type or the knife and fork type?

Friday, January 14, 2011

A Day In The Life

His Is Bigger Than Mine

Once upon a time in a Special Housing Unit, in a prison some where near you, there lived a guy with some serious mental issues. He was in a cell alone because no one could live with him.

There are orderlies in Special Housing Units. They are generally inmates who are not fit for return to the general population. They keep things clean. They help prepare the food for the officers to pass out.

Now the mental issues guy is in an outer cell because we just have no where else to put him. That means the orderlies have to walk in front of that cell while doing their duties.

Another officer and I are in the officer's station when one of the orderlies comes to tell us he has been sprayed with urine and feces by the mentally challenged inmate. So while the other officer sees to the orderly, I leave to go see what the problem is. There is a mess. There is urine and feces everywhere. The smell is overpowering.

The orderlies began to clean up, when again, an icky storm flew from the sides and underneath the cell door.

OMG!

The orderlies get it cleaned enough to walk over there and I am standing by while another officer inquires with the mentally challenged inmate on why he did what he did.

According to that inmate, the orderly stole his radio. There is no way. The radio was locked in the cell with him. Also, the inmate claimed that he was angry because the orderly apparently claimed to have a bigger penis.

Yep, that was a good reason.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Games David Would Like

1. Donkey Kong Country Returns
2. Metal Gear Solid 4
3. Ratchet And Clank Future; Tools Of Destruction
4. Ratchet And Clank Future; A Crack In Time
5. Bayonetta
6. Super Meat Boy
7. Call Of Duty: Black Ops
8. Fallout: New Vegas
9. Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker
10. God Of War I, II, and III
11. Uncharted I and II
12. Starcraft II
13. Super Mario Galaxy 2

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Carolynn Loves...

On Thursday, I was informed by Carolynn's swim team that Carolynn may have engaged in some inappropriate conduct. No adults witnessed the act. And I could find no evidence that Carolynn committed the offense. She denies these allegations and based on my investigation, I believe her. It appears to be the work of some mean girls.

Anyways, while conducting a thorough investigation into the incident, I discovered something shocking.

Carolynn has a boyfriend.

Apparently they have been an item since November. He is on the swim team. He goes to school in Silver Lakes. They don't talk on the phone. They don't go out. But they are a couple.

Friday, January 07, 2011

A Day In The Life

Just Shoot Me An Email

I was working in a housing unit, when an inmate began annoying me. As a matter of fact, it was this inmate, so I already had his number.

And he had lost his mind.

“Wow those pants look amazing on you. You must have worn them just for my pleasure.”

“I know your first name. It's Joanne. That is the sexiest name ever.”

“When I get out of here we are going to get together.”

“Come on by my cell and you can give me a real good Christmas present.”

So yeah, he is on his way to Special Housing again. But he is going to go with a bang.

So he is standing in the office door and he tells me he is going to call me later.

Ummm... No. I am certainly not going to tell an inmate my number. Duh.

And the inmate informs me that he doesn't want me to tell him my phone number right there in front of everyone. He want me to email it.

Ummm... No. I am no more likely to give an inmate my email address as my phone number.

But he says he already has my email. So he is going to have his people email me.

WHAT?

And so he tells me that he had this public defender. And the public defender had an email address of (public defender's first initial and last name)@(government agency).gov. From this he surmised that my email would be (my first initial and my last name)@(random prison).gov. And he is right. It is my email address and my first initial and last name are so helpfully printed on my shirt.

Now, I don't tell him he is correct. I just have him hauled off to the Special Housing Unit.

But it doesn't end there. Of course not.

He gets up in Special Housing and there is another female officer there. And he tells her he will have his people email her. He tells her he already has her email: (her first initial and last name)@(random prison).gov. She freaks out and asks he where he got her email address. He tells her he got it from me. She freaks out and sends me an email admonishing me for giving out her email to an inmate.

What?

Saturday, January 01, 2011

2011 Here We Come

These are not resolutions. Resolutions are plans no one ever achieves. This is my list of stuff we are going to do this year, no doubt about it.

11 Things To Do In 2011

1. Buy a house.
2. Renew our Disneyland Passes.
3. Pay off my stupid PT Cruiser.
4. The truck will pass smog. It will.
5. Catherine will graduate from elementary school. Look out 7th grade!
6. Carolynn will pass the 9th grade or die trying. Or I'll kill her...
7. I will do more overtime. (How else will I pay for all this?)
8. David will take at least 5 classes this year. Or else...
9. Carolynn will swim in her first swim meet.
10. I will get my teeth fixed. They are horrible.
11. I will post on here at least one time per week. I swear. With posts.