Friday, September 30, 2011

A Day In The Life

Denied

Once upon a time, many weekends ago, in a prison camp full of women, I was working. It was visiting.

I was processing visitor's into the visiting room first thing in the morning. Everything was going pretty smooth. Then I get a call.

Apparently, a man had gone to a neighboring institution and went into their waiting area. When the front lobby officer questioned him, he told her that I had sent him over there to get change. He told her the change machine at the camp was broken so that is why he was there. I never sent anyone there. First of all, our change machine was fine. Second, the change machine over there is not in the lobby so he would have had no access.

She didn't believe him either. Besides, she saw him messing around near the trash can.

He left and she immediately went to the waiting area trash and looked. There she found a huge bag of contraband; cigarettes, lighters, lip gloss, fast food items...

She calls the supervisor and tells them what she found and give a description. By the time that man arrives in my line, they are waiting for him. As soon as he walks in, they tell him his visit is being denied because of introduction to contraband. They say no more. He says okay and walks away.

His wife, the inmate, she is not a happy camper. During the count she gets angry with me and demands to speak to the warden. Now.

Yeah, that's not going to happen. It's a weekend.

Besides, why ever would she want to speak to the warden? We had told her nothing. We had told her husband nothing besides that he was denied. And it had only been moments before when he was denied. How could she know?

Because she was watching.

She saw him come in and get in line and then she saw him leave. She also saw the supervisor's come and go. So she called her husband on his cell phone as soon as she could. He told her about being denied. She wanted to know why.

For introduction of contraband of course.

She starts crying and blubbering. It can't be true she says. She goes on about how she doesn't even smoke and would never eat that kind of fast food and she doesn't even wear make up.

Wait. How did she know? We didn't say a thing about that.

She continues her blubbering. She goes on with how it could have been anyone who put that stuff in the lobby of the other institution. Lots of visitors come and go in there. She should know, she works over there as an orderly.

Ah ha!

But what she didn't know... Visiting had been canceled at that institution. He was the only one there.

First thing Monday, we shipped her off to a more secure facility.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Penny Pigs

When Catherine was little she loved to go to PetsMart and look at the guinea pigs and hamsters. She called them penny pigs and hammers, but we knew what she meant. Every time we went in for dog food or whatever, that's the first place she went. David used to work at a PetsMart and she would love to go there to wait for him and spend forever looking.

When she was about 7 or so, every birthday and Christmas, she began asking for one. But I just didn't think she had the amount of responsibility to really take care of one. Catherine is a really smart kid... When it come to school. When it comes to anything else... Her room was always a mess. She couldn't remember to shower. How could she take care of a guinea pig if she couldn't even take care of her own self?

Catherine turned 12 last week. And she has been getting a lot better. She showers regular. (Thank goodness!) Her room is getting better. You can actually see the floor. She has been remembering to feed the dogs. And her home school stuff she has been doing, most of the time, without too much prodding. So for her birthday, we finally got her that guinea pig.

The day before her birthday, David asked if she'd like to open her present a day early. (He was just as excited as she was.) She of course wanted to open it early. We dropped Carolynn off at school and we were eating breakfast at Jack In The Box. We said after we finished our errands and school appointments, we would give her the present.

So we did school appointments, she and David got haircuts, we picked up Carolynn and her friend for lunch. We dropped them back off. Then we went to PetsMart to buy dog food and cat food. Or so she thought. She was so excited about going home and getting a gift that she barely knew what was happening. We got the dog food, cat food and kitty litter in to the cart and we were heading out. David said he was going to find a man to help him get fish for the turtle. Catherine, as usual had wandered over to look at the guinea pigs.

I went to find her and an employee came and asked if we needed anything. It just so happened that the employee knew about the surprise. David and I had gone into the PetsMart a week earlier to scope out prices and find out what all guinea pigs needed. The same lady helped us then. So she already knew when she saw Catherine what we wanted. And when I said yes, Catherine would like a guinea pig, and the lady said she'd have someone come with the keys right away... Catherine was so shocked. And so excited.

She picked out her guinea pig. And then began getting her accessories. Guinea pigs need a cage, pine shavings for the bottom, a house, a water bottle, food, hay, toys... and with out wallets much lighter, Ginny Weasley... Catherine's birthday guinea pig was on her way home.

It took her a little time to get used to us. The cats are constantly circling her cage. The dog would really like to “play” with her. She doesn't mind. Especially not if she has fresh food in her bowl.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Crash Of The Titans

My car, the Loser Cruiser, has been an extra big loser lately. Why?

David.

Here's a story for you.

I came home from work one day and I was super mad. Fuming. A bunch of inmates had gotten on my last nerve and then some jerk ass co-workers decided to push it further and I was about to explode. Then, when the day ended, I go out to the truck, as I had driven it to work that day, and find the driver's side door was jammed.

Sweet.

I cuss at it and yell at it. Finally, as the passenger’s side door is broken, I jimmied it open and got in and drove home is a seething rage.

I park in the driveway, but not all the way in the garage as usual because I wanted David to come out and fix the door. I get out and go inside still raging and David goes out to fix the door. Which he does in like two seconds. Which only furthers my rage.

A few moments later, David and Catherine get in the Loser Cruiser on their way to some sports practice. The car is parked in the garage. I hear them start the car and then I hear a load bang.

WTF?

I go outside and now David is raging. He backed into the truck.

He didn't hit it full on, as I had parked in the driveway, just behind where I usually park in the garage, which is next to the car. He hit the back passenger side corner of the car into the front driver's side of the truck. Which totally made a huge hole just above my bumper and just under my tail light.

And after some duct tape, it now looks like this.


Sometimes the duck tape wears out and we replace it. As soon as we can afford it, we will get it repaired. It's will be about $250 to fix, plus paint. Thank goodness duct tape is silver.

But until it gets fixed, Super Loser Cruiser.

The truck....


No damage.

I think the sheer coolness of that truck is the only thing holding it together. Serious. That truck will last forever.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Home School 101

School started on Tuesday and it sure has been an interesting proposition. Catherine being home schooled this year makes for some interesting stuff. She is taking 6 classes. Plus I am teaching her about cooking, cleaning and gardening. Her classes are Language Arts, Life Science, World History, Algebra, Literature and P.E. Easy.

The first day went great. She was excited to learn. We did our shopping in the morning and ran some errands. Then we got started. We have made lesson plans going through the first three weeks. I use the curriculum from the school and then I add to it. We add videos, art, science experiments, and anything else I can think of. We went through the curriculum quickly. We watched a video about Pompeii and we read a lot of Harry Potter. It was fun. Day 2 went a little more bumpy. She was excited in the morning. We made cinnamon rolls and ate them while we got started. But there was a bump. Carolynn.

 People are getting more and more fed up with traditional public school. They don't have money to pay teachers. Programs are being cut. Classes are over crowded. The school the girls go to is a charter school. They have options for home schoolers plus they have classes. However, this year, the school is FULL. More children than they had anticipated have enrolled and they are currently using a small temporary campus while the permanent buildings are being built. They are set to open for next semester. And until then, there just isn't room. Since Carolynn's facilitator didn't sign her up properly last year for classes, she is doing home school for a few classes. And on Wednesday and Friday, she doesn't have to go to school until afternoon. Carolynn is doing home school for World History, Photography and P.E.

So yesterday morning, not only did Catherine sit down with me to get to work, so did Carolynn. This made for a lot of chatting and Catherine watching Carolynn and petting the dogs and cats and fidgeting around. She just wouldn't focus or anything. It took her forever to get anything done. FOREVER.

 I am sure we will work it out as we go. I will say that it is much more fun to home school kids who want to be taught. That semester we home schooled Carolynn when she was in the 8th grade was awful because she fought the whole time. This time we are having fun. Mostly. Sometimes.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Wordless Wednesday


She's like a honey badger...
She doesn't give a shit and she sleep's where she wants.
Muffins (aka IBK)
August 2011