Wordless Wednesday

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Autumn In My Neighborhood
Apple Valley, California
November 2011

Running Out Of Ideas

Well, we are down to the last couple of days of NaBloPoMo and I am running on low. I have a bunch of work posts ready to go, but I don't like to do more than one of those a week. The rest of the time I like to pretend I don't work in a prison.

Catherine has a Wordless Wednesday ready for tomorrow to finish off the month. Then she decided we should try and do it for all of December too. We are going to try and do it and give all of our posts titles of holiday songs and movies. We shall see how far along we get before we just run out of ideas. She has two more Wordless Wednesday posts coming after tomorrow too.

We have been so busy around here I am running out of time for things. Only three more weeks and I go back to a normal person's schedule and this place will be running a lot better. It's hard to get in a good routine when you work all nights.

Holiday baking is coming. There is eggnog in the fridge. (Not that I will drink it, because ewww. But Catherine loves it.) Soon it will be time for decorating and presents under the tree. I have done most of my shopping online this year so far.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading this nonsense and for continuing to come back for more nonsense.

Until next time...

A Guinea Pig Life

One morning, on July 12, 2012, there was a guinea pig named Ginny. She has been living with us for 10 months. She was just eating her cabbage when a sneaky, little, fluffy, gray kitty named Muffins, comes and smacks her around a bit because she looks like a neat little cat toy. Being the pig Ginny is, she doesn't move because she doesn't want to leave her food.

“Hey! Stop it! I'm eating here!” squeaks Ginny.

“Oh, come on! I just want to play with you. I won't hurt you.” Muffins meowed sarcastically.

“Yeah,” said a small, black and tan cat named Two-face. “We won't hurt you.” She is called Two-face because half of her face is black and the other is tan.

“Sure, you will stop hurting me, as soon as I stop eating this delicious hay. Now go away or I will squeal and you will get thrown down the hallway...Again!” laughed Ginny.

“Fine, we will leave, but know this. We will get you, someday.” said Two-face forcefully.

“You say that every time, just go.” Ginny said annoyed. So, they padded down the hall like the spoiled kitty brats they are. Finally, with Ginny now alone, she continued to eat her cabbage.

The next day, around 9:00 AM, Ginny was sitting on her ledge, eating some hay, when she heard the dreadful noise of the back door. That meant that the big, crazy, lab-mastiff mix dog came inside. Her name is Bubbles. Bubbles thinks of Ginny as a moving chew toy. Luckily, Ginny is safe inside her cage and is not allowed to be outside of it when Bubbles is inside.

When we first got Ginny, on my twelfth birthday, Bubbles was always like a statue, staring into her cage, hoping the cage door will magically open and she can chew up the guinea pig inside. It's a good thing she stopped staring at Ginny, but she still goes crazy whenever Ginny is running around outside of her cage, while Bubbles is outside in the backyard with her face pressed against the window.

One day ,around noon, I had Ginny in my lap while I was sitting on my bed, and someone let in the dogs. As soon as Bubbles got in the house she ran down the hall, saw me and leap on top of me and almost stole my pig. But before she could, Two-face jumps down from my top bunk and ran down the hall and of course Bubbles had to chase her. Later that evening Two-face was walking past my room and Ginny called to her. “Thank you, you crazy cat.”

Two-face stopped and quietly mewed “Your welcome, you silly pig.” And she walked away without another word.

Coke For Dinner

This is what you're going to do.

First, you're going to go to the store and buy some pork roast, (about 2 lbs) some BBQ sauce (1 bottle), and some Coke. Next, you're going to put that pork roast in the crock pot and pour in a can of Coke. Let that cook for about 6 or 7 hours. Then drain off the Coke. Shred up the pork with some forks. Then pour on the sauce. Stir it around, heat it through and serve it on a bun.

And it is awesome.

Make yourself some macaroni salad and some baked beans and you got one heck of a dinner.

Unless your name is Gena.

Then you don't like BBQ sauce or beans. But you can drink an entire 12 pack of Coke in one day.

Oh well.

Black Friday

I never went shopping on Black Friday. I always had to work or something. But this year, I got off at midnight anyway, so I figured I would see what it was all about and maybe pick up some good deals for Christmas.

Carolynn came with me because she figured she could get some good pictures for her current class project. David came too because he was concerned for our safety.

We went to the Wal-Mart. There was a line just to get in the store. There were police everywhere. It was crazy. We saw some swim moms there ready to tackle their shopping. They had a plan. I didn't have a plan. I should have had a plan. It should have been to stay home.

After about 20 minutes we finally get inside the store. It was a madhouse. The lines to check out stretched all the way to the back of the store. People had carts loaded with multiple TV's and all sorts of stuff. We went off in search of what we wanted. We found nothing. It had all been picked clean.

We left defeated. We didn't even try to brave the Target. We were scared for our lives.

A Day In The Life

Thankful For The Little Things

The other day an inmate stopped by my office. (It was this inmate, so I was prepared for anything.) He tells me he has a lot of things to be thankful this Thanksgiving.

He is thankful that he will enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner there in prison when there are plenty of law abiding citizens out there that will not get that luxury.

He is thankful that he did not receive the death penalty for the crime he was convicted of. (I believe it was murder.)

He is thankful he lives in America because in other countries when you get convicted of something like that, they kill you right away.

And finally, he is thankful for the opportunity to appeal.

He also informed me that he is starting his own mob because he likes the family camaraderie. And he'll be changing his name to Rico Soprano.

I am thankful that my job affords me so many interesting stories.

Happy Thanksgiving

It doesn't feel like Thanksgiving to me though. I have to work tonight. So we had our Thanksgiving on Tuesday. But it didn't feel like Thanksgiving then either. We still had stuff to do. The world wasn't on Thanksgiving time. Catherine and David had tae kwon do. I had an appointment with the personal trainer at the gym. We enjoyed the morning. We played Monopoly and roasted the turkey. We made all the sides the day before. We ate a fabulous meal. But after that, we all went off to our various activities. Sherri and Taylor came over to enjoy a little Thanksgiving food with us in the evening. And we sent some pie to Chris who wasn't feeling well.

Speaking of pie, this was my first attempt at baking a pie from scratch. And I burnt the first one. Black. But luckily, the second pie came out delicious.

Today, we are relaxing. We made some turkey with rice with leftover turkey. We planned our Black Friday strategy. I get off at midnight, just in time to shop.

Robbie and Gena supposedly are coming this weekend. We are going to make them some BBQ pork sandwiches and a pie for Robbie. (Gena, like her brother, doesn't eat pie.)

I hope you all are having a fabulous Thanksgiving. Think of me tonight while you eat your pie. I'll b spending my night with inmates. Awesome.

Wordless Wednesday

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Thanksgiving Decorations
November 2011
Apple Valley, California

How Hard Can It Be?

I mentioned yesterday that the girls and I were trying some yarn work. We got both crochet hooks and a book and knitting needles and a book as well as several small balls of yarn.

We went over the directions. We watched videos. We had this.

After 24 hours of frustration and hard work...

After all the videos and all the careful examination of diagrams and directions...

We have a knotted ball of yarn.

I just don't get it.

Fail

So today was supposed to be our Thanksgiving. However, I scheduled everything thinking I had a 10-11 lb turkey. It was 16 lbs. So we postponed it until tomorrow.

I tried to bake my first ever pumpkin pie from scratch. I burnt it. Well, the crust was burnt to black, the filling was still liquid.

The girls and I tried to learn to crochet. Inmates can do it, we can too. No, we can't. Seriously. No.

So we thought maybe knitting would be cool. No, no it was not.

I almost forgot to post something. NaBloPoMo fail. OMG!

So, how was your day?

Obsession

Right before Catherine's birthday, she decided that for her birthday she wanted scrapbooking stuff. She never did scrapbooking before but she likes art stuff so it made some sense. Everyone got her scrapbook stuff for her birthday. Especially my dad who works in a craft store and went crazy. She has made a ton of scrapbook pages. She has a whole scrapbook devoted just to her guinea pig.

So I decided to try it too.

And now I can't stop.

I made this page with pictures of my sister's visit.

These are my Carolynn and Catherine pages.

Here are some pages I made at Halloween.

Even Carolynn got in on it. She is sitting at the table scrapbooking right now.

The Christmas Wedding

I got my first book for my Nook on iPad. Well, I got it on accident. I didn't know that Barnes and Noble just let you purchase things without confirming your purchase.

But anyway, I finished it this morning and I really enjoyed it. I liked the convenience of having it available where ever I went. I took it to the gym and read it on the treadmill. I took it to tae kwon do and read it while waiting for David and Catherine. It was nice.

I didn't like that when I finished it, I couldn't lend it to someone else who might enjoy it. I didn't like that I couldn't take it to work with me.

Anyways, the book was The Christmas Wedding by James Patterson. I really enjoyed it. It was a about an older woman who had lost her husband and hadn't seen enough of her kids since his passing. She has a few good male friends who wish to become her new hubby and she agrees. They plan this elaborate wedding to lure the family to gather on Christmas and she won't tell them who she is marrying.

Anyway, I loved the story and I even got a bit teary eyed.

I am still reading A Game Of Thrones. I have been stuck at about half way through for a while. I just can't seem to get into it. David keeps promising that it will get better. Of course he thinks the whole series is amazing.

A Day In The Life

Makes Me Wonder...

I came across this email one day. It is from an inmate to what I can only assume is a lawyer or legal person of some sort.

Did you get the mesage about my request for you to file a motion to the court asking that I be allowed to wear my court clothing while in prison for the purposes of my executive presense.

First of all note the misspelled "message" and "presence". Then note that while this appears to be a question, it does not end with a question mark.

And then ask yourself this..

WHY?

Really? Do you really think that is going to work out for you? Are you really going to clog our court system with that triviality?

Yes, yes he is.

This is one of the many reasons I find my job to be so freaking hilarious.

Tall Boy's Block

I am not a fan of rap music. Really. I like some. Usually some older stuff. I like Eminem. But really, I am just not a fan.

I have a friend who is a rapper. He has a little fan base going. He's written some songs. He even recorded some of them. He is very ambitious. He has done some performances. He has a really cute logo.

He's has hats and shirts made with it. He's not a bad looking guy. And to top it all off, he is a really nice guy. That is the best part.

We got to talking one day and he discovered that I like computers and websites and stuff. He asked me to help him build a cool website for his music. So I did.

I had fun. I learned a whole bunch. With my help, he purchased a domain name, subscribed to a web-host, and purchased a cool template. I put it all together (with David's help) and I have been maintaining it for him. I have also been maintaining his Facebook, My Space and Twitter. It's kind of fun. And I know he appreciates my help.

So if your a rap fan, check out my friend Tall Boy's website at www.tallboy100block.com. Even if your not a rap fan, check out the site and see how I did. I even have a custom email there for website feedback: jennifer@tallboy100block.com.

Wordless Wednesday

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Game Night
November 2011
Apple Valley, California

Check out more of Carolynn's photography on Flickr.

Like The Sunrise

Last night, after months of hard work and dedication, Catherine received her yellow belt in tae kwon do. It's her first belt with color. (She was previously a white belt. Next comes purple belt.) She tested last week. She was so excited to get her new belt.

Here she is getting ready for testing.

And here she is last night receiving her brand new yellow belt from Instructor Tuan.

And here she is, officially a yellow belt.

In other tae kwon do news... David is starting tae kwon do tonight. He will have to work hard to keep up with the other moms and dads... and Catherine.

Icy Feet

It's been so cold lately. Well, not cold to people who live in say.... Buffalo... But cold to me. Our house is so drafty. And since we live in an all electric house, running the heater is almost out of the question. Our highest summer electric bill was $300. That is a lot. I don't want to repeat that for winter. If I dare turn on the heater David turns it right back off. But is is easier to get warm than stay cool.

We have beautiful, hand made quilts that my step-mom made. I have been wearing several pairs of socks at once. Sweats and flannel pajamas are my new buddies.

I like the fall and winter best. I don't like the heat. The heat makes me cranky.

I also have been drinking a lot of nice hot tea. I love British tea best.

Earl Grey, Lady Grey, Irish Breakfast Tea, English Breakfast Tea... I also like green teas and herbal teas. I have been enjoying yummy cups of chamomile at night before bed.

We have been making lots of yummy fall foods. Lots of soups and roasts and warm breads. It's awesome.

Except for the cold feet.

I need more socks.

These Hands Were Made For Washing

I won't say I am some kind of hand washing freakazoid, but I wash my hands a lot. Like other normal people, I wash them after I use the restroom. I wash them after I handle raw meat. I wash them if I get something icky on them.

That last one happens a lot.

Inmates are icky. Their stuff is icky. And I touch them all day. I pat them down. I go through their stuff. Just the other day, I touched a huge stack of disgusting, photo-copied porno. Who knows what was on that.... EWWW!

I have search gloves, but I don't wear them every second. Sometimes there are latex gloves available, but I am allergic. On the rare chance I find some nitrile gloves, I fill my little belt pouch with them. But they never last long.

So needless to say, I wash my hands a serious amount of times a day. I keep these hand sanitizers on me all the time too. I also carry around lotion. The cheap soap they keep at work really dries the skin.

My favorite hand washing stuff comes from Mary Kay... Satin Hands. It makes my hands feel all girly and soft. It also works really good on my feet. It's almost as good as a spa pedicure. Well, not quite, but it is still nice.

I used to sell Mary Kay a million years ago. (I sold Avon too.) My friend Helen sold Mary Kay and I would help her out when I could. (She had Parkinson's, if I remember correctly. That was 12 years ago.) I loved their stuff, but especially the Satin Hands.

Now I get my Satin Hands from my friend Adrienne. She started selling it recently. Check out her online store.

This keyboard is probably covered in germs so I am going to go wash my hands now.

Not crazy, perfectly normal.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

I mentioned before that I have been playing fantasy football with some family members. It's my first time playing and I kind of like it.

When my dad asked me to play, I figured I would try it. I didn't know anything about football. (I still don't really.) Sometimes David watches football and we usually watch the Super Bowl for the ads and halftime. I didn't even know players names.

Luckily, all I do is work with tons of men. Men who watch football. Men who play fantasy football. So in the weeks leading up to the start of this I spent a lot of time asking guys I work with a lot of questions.

What the heck is a fantasy football?

How do I know what the good players are?

How do I get good players?

How do they score points?

What teams are good?

First off, you'd think these men had never been asked these questions before and most were super happy to answer. I got so many opinions. Everyone has favorite teams and favorite players. They went on and on and on...

Anyways, by draft day I had a list of player that could be good. That was fun. I was trying to get the best players I could while the rest of my family were trying to do me in.

Players in my league include me, my dad, my step-mom Vicki, my sister Nikki, my cousin Wendy, her brother, my cousin Jerry, his wife Brenda, and Vicki's son, my step-brother Brandon. My team is called “Spanish Inquisition”. Why?

Every week my dad sends out a recap. I love that. It's funny. His team is called “The Stingrays”. He named it after his car. Anyways, it has been fun so far. I lose more than I win. But that's okay. It has been fun anyway. And if I have to lose to people, I am glad it's them. This week I am playing my dear sister. Her team is called “Slick Chicks”. She should have called it “About To Lose” because she is about to.

I am really going to miss this when it is over.

A Day In The Life

Waiting For Something

I was working one morning watching inmates come and go out of the dining area. I see an inmate kind of lingering around. I know this inmate. I have dealt with him before. I am pretty sure I have seen his penis in a window somewhere.

Anyway, he is skulking around the corridor. He should have gone back to his unit by now. But he went and hid in medical. I go down there to see what the big deal is in medical.

Then I saw. A new contractor nurse was handing out the pills at pill line. She was young and Asian and pretty. She didn't deserve what was coming her way.

So I intercepted.

Medical was cleared and the gate was closed. That same inmate was waiting by the gate with me to get back to medical. I informed him that he would not be going to medical. I told him to wait right there by the wall and not move.

He wasn't happy.

So he unzipped his pants and started masturbating right there in the hallway.

Awesome.

I knew it.

So I march him into the lieutenants office and tell them what he did. He denied the whole thing. Said he would never do that and I was a liar. The lieutenant looks up his history. Hmm. Seems he has done that quite a few times before.

He goes to Special Housing and they strip search him. They find very strategically placed holes in his oversized pants. He has no idea how that could have happened. He was framed.

You believe him, don't you?

At least the nice new nurse didn't have to see it.

We're Related

I have a lot of cousins. I mean a lot. Sometimes I can't keep up with how many there are. On my mom's side I have two cousins. But there is a huge age difference. The first one didn't come along until I was 16. We are not close. I couldn't even tell you where they lived. On my dad's side, I have more cousins than I can count. My parent's divorced when I was almost 7. Before that I spent lots of time with them. After the divorce, I didn't see them again.

But that was before.

Now, I have almost daily contact with cousins. I see them on Facebook. We chat and share (or steal) pictures. I am playing in a fantasy football league my dad started with several of them.

Sometimes I am jealous that they are all close and spent lots of time together. Or even the fact that they all know who they are. Especially since I have always lived near them. A lot of my cousins live right here in Southern California. But I am glad I know them now.

I always wanted a big family. I guess I always had one. Too bad I never knew it. And there are more than I even pictured here. How awesome is that??

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Cooking With Cats
Carolynn and Muffins
November 2011

My Guinea Pig Maze

One day last week, I built a maze out of video games for my guinea pig, Ginny. There were many failed attempts at building said maze, but i finally got a design that worked.

The Maze

Ginny

Off she goes!

Go Ginny Go!

Ginny has made it to the end and got the prize, lettuce. She enjoys her prize very much. I realize that my guinea pig is pretty smart.