Monday, September 08, 2014

My Perfect Life

My life is perfect.

I work at a job I hate with a bunch of coworkers who really shouldn't be allowed to work there. It really sucks getting up in the morning and going there. But I keep going. Because that is how I pay the bills.

Right now, my house looks awesome. The couches really need to be professionally cleaned. There are used tissues on one end table and a variety of dirty dishes all over the others. There is trash on the floor from a package the baby got in the mail. I can't remember the last time I dusted. The trash hasn't been taken out in two days. The sink is full of dishes. I am positive there are dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and the cat box needs cleaning.

My children are of course, perfect. My two year old didn't get dressed at all yesterday. She can correctly use the phrase “What the Fuck”. She enjoys watching Disney Jr. and when she is driving me nuts I put on a DVD of Disneyland Fun for her. We have seen it like 6 billion times. My middle child has to be constantly reminded to do everything. Shower, get dressed, do your homework... She has no sense of appropriate boundaries and is banned from most forms of internet because of it. My oldest thinks she is better than everyone because she has a little money and gets dressed up to go check the mail.

My husband is also perfect. He didn't take out the trash. He forgot to return the baby's DVD to the library and nearly forgot to pay the phone bill. He spends a lot of time in his underpants and doesn't even notice the messes around him. He plays some stupid thing online with his friends and it makes him sound like a giant ass.

I too am perfect. I have severe anxiety and riding in the car with me is a treat. I am pretty sure I yelled at everyone last week. Mostly my husband and probably half of it for stuff he had no control over or didn't even do. I haven't been dressed in two days and I cant remember the last time I really shaved my legs. Tonight I am making dinner in which parts of it come frozen from a bag. There is probably little nutritional value in some of it.

Yes.

My life is perfect.

Because my adorable baby just announced, it smells good in here. Then she said she loved me.

Because my oldest wrote an essay about how she is proud of her mom for working so hard.

Because my middle daughter says she likes doing stuff with me.

Because my husband is at school getting an education and will come home and watch stupid TV shows and play video games with me. Then he will make sure I have clean uniforms for work tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will go to work and be happy that I am getting paid and have made a few good friends.

Maybe my house will get cleaned. Maybe I will actually try to make some of those healthy recipes I pinned on Pintrest.

But probably not.

My life is already perfect.